Getting fit through diet and exercise creates big changes - adjustments you welcome. But for some, family and friends who aren’t in the same mindset can become jealous and uncomfortable with the transformation - they can become your greatest obstacle. Saboteurs.
Family, friends and colleagues have gotten used to you acting a certain way. They think they know you. So when you start to change... it makes them feel uncomfortable.
This happens because they fear change; it’s not that they don’t necessarily want you to achieve your goals, but they may be unsure of how your changes will affect them:
- Will you still want to go out and eat at their favourite restaurants?
- Will you start ‘preaching’ to them about what they should be eating and how they should be exercising?
- Will they start to feel intimidated by your success?
Unsupportive behaviour may show itself in various ways. Sometimes it’s subtle - an eye-roll or a sarcastic comment. Sometimes it’s more damaging, creating an environment that runs counter to what you’re trying to accomplish. At times they may even appear a tad malicious. It can feel like every time you take a step forward to gain control over what you eat, they’re offering you cake, a chocolate or want to take you out for (a fat laden) lunch! It may be as simple as them saying, “Have one, it wont hurt you”! Or, other common comments? “You’ve just worked out - you deserve it.” “You will ‘work that off’ in no time!” They may even tell you you are looking too thin!
Perhaps every time you head out the door for a workout they encourage you to stay indoors, and... be inactive - with them. To spend time with them. They may say they hardly get to see you anymore because you are always exercising. Perhaps they feel neglected. Plus more often than not they will tell you, “You have changed.”
Guess what! They ARE right. Alongside the physical or health benefits of eating right and exercising, you become, a new you - a new, positive you. More confident. A higher self esteem. You become stronger, mentally and physically. They won’t like your success because they don’t want that development. They may feel threatened by that healthier you or worried that your new diet and exercise habits may interfere with a life they’re comfortable with. They like their comfort zone with you. They like, the image of you they have always had ... therefore, they need to resist those changes - however they can.
Some can also feel guilty themselves as they aren’t looking after their own well being. You may be a reminder to them of their own irresponsibility when it comes to their health - diet and exercise. They are usually more self conscious of their own negative habits when you begin to have success - whether it be with weight loss or any other bad fixation - saboteurs dislike seeing others succeed at something they can’t. They feel uncomfortable with the new you - yep, they don’t like - change. So how do you stop them?
Remain assertive and on track to your objectives, don’t allow THEIR thoughts to determine YOUR success.
Often, we have conditioned our friends to act that way by always giving in previously. For many years we’ve played out the same pattern of declaring we’re ‘on a diet’ or committed to losing weight, only to give in to temptations on a regular basis. Each time you get tempted by a friend or offered something that is not in line with your goals, it’s like a test, seeing how committed you are to your goal. How easily can you be lead astray?
So this time, make it an opportunity for you to condition yourself – and the people around you - to your new way of living and eating.
Learn to handle that sabotage. Just say no. You don’t owe an explanation as to why you don’t want that extra serving or piece of cake! You KNOW the right things to consume if you want results.
Explain to them you need their support not criticisms. Remind them that you are still the same person that loves them regardless of your own personal goals. Remind them you still need them in your life, but you need them to be supportive of your need to create a healthier version of you.
Look for allies in the right places. Set up a support system if you need to. Surround yourself with likeminded positive and motivated people. You may need to avoid friends who are a negative influence (at least temporarily). And don’t feel guilty if you choose to avoid someone who’s not helpful to your cause.
Above all, do NOT let them win! Continue with the positive changes you are making. While others may tempt you, ultimately you’re in charge of your own life.
Look at difficult situations as opportunities to use your confidence - and reinforce the idea that you’re not adopting a healthier lifestyle for someone else, but for yourself. Be proud of the commitment you are making for your wellbeing - and continue to make mindful decisions - despite them.
And if you have any particularly oppressive friends, the next time they try to lead you off track look them in the eye and calmly ask, “Are you going to support me in my goal or not?” Then let the silence linger until the other person realises what they have been doing.
Cheers to the determined you. Stay strong and on track, Ann.
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